"I expect to die in bed, my successor will die in prison and his successor will die a martyr in the public square. His successor will pick up the shards of a ruined society and slowly help rebuild civilization, as the church has done so often in human history." -Cardinal Francis George

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I am Catholic

On Sunday, my wife, my four daughters and I were received into the Church. My wife and I received the gift of the Holy Spirit in Confirmation (something I could never achieve as a Pentecostal), and I received my first holy Communion. I was shaking like a leaf up there (literally) because of the importance of the occasion and what I knew was about to happen and was embarrassed for that, but when Father Dufner raised his hand to bless us before our confirmation I felt immediately and physically calmed down. I'm not saying it was supernatural or whatever, but it felt like it to me. Anyway that was strange and very cool. A strange salty liquid came from my eyes during the consecration which my wife later told me were tears. ;-) I pulled myself together until it was time to go forward to receive Christ. The amazing full choir started "let all mortal flesh keep silent" and I had to will my body to move like in a fog. One of those moments when time did really and actually slow down. I tried not to think too much about the gift I was receiving in the Eucharist because I thought I might not make it through. My two oldest girls who were in front of me got a blessing and walked the wrong way away from our pew and I didn't even notice! (my wife told me later) What an amazing thing to receive a gift like that! I thought I knew the way God loved us before... as in "A lot". Now I don't think I would dare try to explain the extent of it. Seeing His Body layed on an altar for me and then being invited to partake of His sacrifice was the most... sacred... thing I have ever experienced in my life. I am convinced that God's love can never be explained now. It can begin to be understood by participating in a mass, but words words will just fail. It as if every sermon on God's love I ever heard was saying "I just told you about God's love, now go to a mass and let Christ show you!" As I walked weakly back to my pew and knelt down I thought to myself that this is more than just me partaking of His sacrifice. I realized that what I was in the process of eating was going to become part of my body. (Me becoming part of His Body more properly I think) This thought drove home forcefully the idea that I was being set aside for the same sacrifice I had just witnessed, again, no words necessary, it was all there to witness. The sacrifice of the mass explains these things in what is said, but even more in what happens. Absolutely beautiful!

13 comments:

  1. David, so happy for you and your family, so wonderful. Happy last few days of Advent and Merry Christmas!

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  2. What a description of your service - which I know pales in comparison to the actual experience. God bless you and your family, what a joyous day!

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  3. Converts are such a blessing to the Church. Thank you for your courage!

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  4. Welcome home, David!

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  5. Welcome home David. May God continue to bless you and your family as you continue this wonderful faith journey. Merry Christmas!

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  6. Speaking as a fellow convert (Easter 2009) I can identify with many of the emotions you expressed so vividly - welcome home to the Barque of Peter, and Happy New Year to you and yours!

    Pax Christi,
    Jeff Holston
    Phoenix, AZ

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  7. Welcome home, David and family!! With holiday traveling and being away (for the most part) from the internet, I missed the news of your reception into the Church! A big, hearty, joyful welcome home to you and your family!

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  8. Thanks Christopher, and all of you!
    Say, what about you Christopher, are you joining on the Easter vigil?

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  9. David, I was actually a baptized but "fallen-away Catholic" who had left the Church for many years and had embraced, first, flat-out nihilism, and then later, powerfully, Protestant Calvinistic Christianity. When I finally returned to the Church in 2010, I had a long confession to make... but once I did so, I was reconciled to the Church and free to take the Eucharist again! It's great to be back!

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  10. Oh yeah, I forgot you are a revert! I know what you mean about the long confession. I brought quite a list.

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  11. David - Just wanted to drop by and let you know that I have continued to pray for you and your family. I hope that you will continue to share your journey with us.

    Deacon Bryan

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  12. Thank you Deacon Bryan!

    Your prayers are most welcome and are being used to great effect. I have been quiet on this blog lately, just basking in the bright light of the Church. Hopefully more posts will come soon.

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